|
 Power
and Control Drive School Bullies
But silent majority can stop torment, experts say.
Peggy Walsh-Sarnecki and Teresa Mask, Detroit Free Press,
May 23, 2005
For more articles like this
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http://glennstutzky.com/.
Frank Williams
is a self-confessed former bully who remembers feeling a rush of
power when he humiliated other kids.
"It could be anything. I'd see someone walking down the hall and
say, 'Uh, that looks so stupid,' " said the 18-year-old senior
at Walled Lake Western High.
John Piechocki, also 18 and a senior at Walled Lake Western,
said he got a personal high from making others feel bad, calling
other kids everything from fat to ugly. It's that high that's
the driving force behind bullying, said
Glenn Stutzky, a
clinical instructor in Michigan State University's School of
Social Work and an expert in school violence: "It's having power
over another person's life. The ability to make someone afraid.
To make someone cry. To make someone feel humiliated."
Some experts say it's the taunting, the teasing and the
name-calling that have driven some local kids to create hit
lists at school.
One of those kids has been in police custody since September.
Andrew Osantowski, 17, who is expected to stand trial June 7 in
Macomb County, is accused of creating a hit list and plotting to
blow up Chippewa Valley High School in Clinton Township.
Schoolmates told the Free Press at the time of his arrest that
he was the victim of near-constant bullying.
He's not alone. From Red Lake, Minn., to Columbine High in
Colorado, bullying is partly blamed for deep-seated problems
that end in tragedy.
Between 15% and 25% of U.S. students have indicated in studies
that they have been bullied with some frequency, according to
the Health Resources and Services Administration.
Yet verbal bullying continues almost unchecked. There's a silent
majority in our schools, watching bullies at work and never
speaking up. Ironically, experts say, this silent majority could
be the most effective tool in stopping bullying.
Myths about bullying
Bullies are likely to be the well-liked kids in school, said
Jill McDonald, a former teacher and administrator from West
Bloomfield who offers anti-bullying workshops and training for
school districts around the country.
McDonald, who is coauthoring a book to help high school teachers
prevent bullying and harassment, said that because bullies often
are the popular kids, their actions are difficult to curb.
"That whole caste system, that social hierarchy -- not only with
students, but with teachers -- determines who is treated
better," McDonald said.
Stutzky added that "sometimes, people have kind of stereotyped
it as a large boy who has been held back a couple of grades" and
is not doing well academically.
But "the research we've done has shown bullies are more average
or above-average, also in terms of self-esteem. It's a little
bit of a myth that a bully is a loner with few friends," Stutzky
said.
Another problem is that educators tend to see verbal abuse as a
conflict between students, and they often deal with it by using
techniques such as peer remediation, where kids are brought
together to discuss their differences.
However, "peer mediation should never be used in bullying
situations," Bonnie Hanes, acting executive director of the
Oakland Mediation Center, said May 13. "Bullies cannot operate
in those settings. They don't have compassion or empathy."
Bullying is not about conflict, experts say. It's about power
and control.
Victims on both sides
Justin was in seventh grade when he switched from a parochial
school to Taylor Public Schools. That's when the bullying
started. He was teased about how he looked, acted, even the
music he liked.
"I didn't have the skills to just go up to people and talk to
them. I didn't have the clothes; the style of music I liked was
totally different. A lot of people just thought I was weird,"
said Justin, who's now 19 and in college.
"It makes you feel terrible. ...You have nowhere to go. You
don't want to go to school because you don't want to go through
it every day. You have no one to talk to about it because you
really start feeling that there's no one that can feel like you.
"You're alone."
Justin, who asked that his last name not be used because his
younger brother is a student at his old school, felt alone, but
he wasn't. There are almost always witnesses to bullying --
other students or even teachers who watch and do nothing unless
there's physical abuse involved.
"The truth is, teachers really don't understand it," Justin
said. "You go in and tell the teachers, and what are they going
to do, talk about it? Kids can tell when something's going on,
when someone snitches. It'll just make it worse."
So what can happen to get the bullies to change their ways?
Piechocki said last Monday that he hit a turning point when he
realized he was being hypocritical. Having moved to Walled Lake
from Canada, he often was treated as an outsider and soon
decided to stop teasing others.
"Being on the receiving end really made me realize, 'I'm doing
this to other people?' " he said.
For Williams, it was the skills he learned attending a
leadership camp sponsored by the school that made him realize
teasing was wrong. Williams and Piechocki both now work with
their school's Positive Peer Influence group to help prevent
bullying.
There are other ways to stop bullying, too. Experts say one may
involve the kids standing next to the victim -- those who are
among the 80% to 85% who watch the bullying and do nothing.
According to a November 2003 Skillman Foundation survey, 88% of
kids in Macomb County said they've seen their peers being
bullied. In Oakland County, that number was 79%; in Detroit, it
was 80%. Statistics weren't available for other areas of Wayne
County.
These silent students and teachers could be the most powerful
weapon available against bullies, if only they'd speak up.
Williams and Piechocki know that to be true. They say they've
witnessed bullying stop when they or others stood up for a
student.
In addition, most bullying happens out of teachers' sight, in
hallways, cafeterias or on school buses, McDonald said.
"It's not just done in the classroom. The majority of times, it
happens in unsupervised, unstructured areas and at unstructured
times. One adult for every so many students in hallways --
teachers are just outnumbered," McDonald said. "You can have
great teachers, working on it in class, but then they leave the
classroom ... what happens in the hallway, the cafeteria?"
In defense of teachers, all this anti-bullying work is new, said
Hanes, of the Oakland Mediation Center. Most programs in Oakland
County, for instance, weren't started until 2000, after the
Columbine massacre in 1999. Part of the problem, Hanes said, is
that teachers don't recognize the signs of a student being
bullied. It happens in front of them, and they don't even know
it.
"It's a look. Or a whisper under the breath," she said.
Another issue, she said, is that while many districts are
following a highly regarded anti-bullying program, they are not
following all the steps to make it really successful.
She said many have the initial meeting and orientation but fail
to continue regular training of staff to make sure the
intervention programs are working, and don't survey students to
identify potential bullies and victims.
The biggest problem, she said, is that some schools don't have
social workers or school psychologists on staff who intervene
with the bullies.
The key is to teach the silent majority what to do or say to
help victims. Stutzky suggests three ways:
•One is direct intervention, which is telling the bully to stop.
•A second is taking the victim out of the situation, such as
inviting the victim to come walk or sit with you.
•The third is showing empathy through something as simple as a
pat on the back or a smile.
The silent majority are also victims, Stutzky said. "I've
actually had people come to me, even adults, thinking back on
their school experience, and say, 'I felt awful when I saw this
person being harassed or bullied or intimidated, but I didn't
know what to do,' " Stutzky said.
Shutting down bullies
Ed Joynt remembers mouthing "office please" to a teacher to get
away from classmates who were teasing him. The simple nod
allowed him to escape the taunts about his long hair and short
pants -- if only for a little while. At the time, Ed, now a
14-year-old eighth-grader from White Lake Township, was teased
almost daily about the way he looked a year ago.
It didn't matter that his hair was more than 15 inches long
because he was going to donate it to Locks of Love, an agency
that specializes in wigs for cancer patients.
Ed said teachers at Highland Middle School often stepped in to
help when they saw him in trouble.
This year, the school started ticketing kids who bully others.
The penalties range from warnings to conferences with parents to
suspensions.
Principal Mark Wilson said the school is a nicer place now and
that fights have decreased since the ticketing began. Most of
the students said the tickets work, as well as the Scot Card,
which students get for doing random acts of kindness.
Wilson said it's his way of not just giving the troublemakers
all the attention.
Experts and kids agree that left unresolved, bullying can lead
to tragedies such as school shootings or suicides.
"I think that's the reason why for all the Columbines and all
the shootings," Justin said. "I can relate to the kids that have
done the shooting, because everyone has their limit. They can't
take it anymore."
Victims can reach the point where shooting up their school, the
scene of their suffering, may seem like the only form of control
they have.
Or, victims can resort to what Stutzky called "bullycide." They
kill themselves.
"That's why we've got to get involved much earlier, and the
silent majority is the key. If we can engage them, give them the
skills, they can tip the balance of power in many schools,"
Stutzky said.
"Bullying is a form of abuse. I don't know how much progress
we're going to make until we come to that understanding."
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