|
The Comfort of Limits
Dr. Thomas Phelan,
Parent Magic Newsletter, March 1, 2006
For more articles like this
visit
http://www.parentmagic.com.
True or False? Self-esteem and creativity both are higher when
kids can “do their own thing” without external limits imposed by
adult power or authority. Believe it or not, this statement is
false. A number of studies have come up with the
conclusion—which makes sense when you think about it—that kids
feel better about themselves and perform better, creatively and
otherwise, when they learn the boundaries for reasonable
behavior.
The world itself has all kinds of limits and rules. There are
rules for how to treat other people, speed limits, rules for
sports, interest payments, taxes and marriage. You may not like
all these regulations, but if you don’t recognize them, you will
get hurt and wind up more frustrated than you would be if you
followed them. Parents are the ones who introduce their children
to life’s boundaries.
The Effects are Long Lasting
How parents establish rules and set limits—or fail to set
limits—not only has a tremendous effect on the self-esteem of a
child, but also affects the relationship between parent and
child, the parent’s own self-esteem and the overall atmosphere
for everyone around the home. These effects are long lasting.
Limits—properly explained, imposed and enforced—have a dramatic
effect on the comfort level of kids. Limits allow affection to
unfold naturally and learning to take place. They also produce
an atmosphere where other things that foster self-esteem can
occur: positive reinforcement, listening, affection and fun.
Ask Dr. Phelan: Mealtime
 Question:
I have bought all your books and videos. They are worth
millions! However, there is one area that I am confronting
difficulty with my 4 year old granddaughter i.e. she creates
hell at dinner and lunch. Your suggestions would be appreciated.
Answer: Mealtime should be a pleasant experience, but
with preschoolers it often is the opposite. Here are some
suggestions: 1) do not allow the child to eat in between meals,
2) give her very small portions 3) set a kitchen timer for about
10 minutes. If she eats before the 10 minutes are up, praise her
for doing so. If she does not, she may get down from the table,
but she may have nothing to eat before the next meal. While you
are sitting there with her, you are NOT allowed to prompt her to
eat in any way. The timer will do that for you
1-2-3 Magic:
Effective Discipline for Children 2-12
New 3RD Edition by Dr. Thomas
Phelan
This best-selling program provides
three simple steps to raising well-behaved, happy, competent
youngsters. Available in book, CD, video and DVD formats. To
learn more visit:
www.parentmagic.com.
back to the top ~
back to Breaking News
~ back to
What's New
|
